OK I am not sure if anyone will read this, heck I probably wouldn't either. You see, I am going through some sort of depression or stuck in a rut moment. I should say that it isn't a moment more like months. Right now, I am not comfortable with going into details about my life...maybe one day...but today is not the day. I do not like anything about myself. I have this perfect schedule that I need to follow, the problem is to get everything done I will have to go to bed at 2:00 in the morning and wake up at 5:30. I have done it once, but the next day I was to tired to function. I wish there was a way that I could copy and paste my beautifully made task list into the blog. The problem comes in as much as I want to complete all the tasks and live this wonderfully organized, complete life...I can't seem to get it done, I can't even get it started. Is there anyone out there like me? Are there others wanting a perfect life but can't seem to take the first step? Have other people Googled "How to Be Perfect?" Has anyone else wanted to be anal-retentive or a have a Type-A personality? Am I insane for even thinking it is possible?

So this is why I am blogging, to journal my daily strives and failures. I am going to try not to go on about the fact that my stomach is hanging over my jeans when I sit down, or my teeth are getting stains from cigarettes and coffee, or that my feet are to wide to fit in cute shoes, or the fact I don't wear make-up everyday or do anything with my hair, or that I can't even walk through my bedroom without tripping on stuff, or the fact that I am tired all of the time (I swear I could sleep 18 hours and still wake up tired), or the fact that I want to make straight A's in college but I am barely hanging on to D's. Well...you get the drift. I want to change, I want to be one of those 1950's Donna Reed moms. I want my children to remember me accomplishing stuff instead of being tired and yelling. So that is it for today (or at least I think). If there is anyone like me out there please let me know:)